Good morning my lovelies.  I’ve got coffee and cigarettes.  It appears that the ability to wp-1453177268835.gifstart making a future for myself, is finally is within my grasp.  The ability to make decisions on my own is hopefully going to present itself today and germinate within the next few.  And, perhaps the greatest bit of all, I woke up this morning without being wrapped in the normal panic and anxiety that I usually find myself in.  The anxiety is really very crippling for me but today when my eyes opened I went about making my coffee and folding just a bit of laundry and all of a sudden it dawned on me that I didn’t freak out. lol  I’m not going to poke and prod it too much, no over analyzing just in case.  There’s still a lot to be done today and the most stressful part won’t come until towards the end of it.

The house isn’t finished being cleaned yet and laundry for me is never completely done.  But it’s all getting there and I should be able to pull it all off before my time is up.  Aside from my natural laziness and extreme ability to put things off, I am more than capable of screwing it all up.  But I am gifted at screwing up.  If that were a super power, I’d be like the most super power-est of them all.  And I have something to distract me that I really want to do.

Last night, thanks to a forward thinking friend of mine, I now have a copy of the book I had a publishing contract for before I, surprise!, screwed it up.  If you have time and feel like it, you can read some of the reviews I have posted for from friends and beta readers of Brimstone Blues.  Of all my other publications, this is the only one I’ve finished in a formatted, ready to go book form.  Some re-reading, rewriting and re-editing and I should be able to start submitting it again.  It was picked up before maybe I can get it done again.

So I’m still living on hope but it’s actually a better kind of hope.  I didn’t realize that there are different forms of hope but there are.  Now I’m not hoping that I’ll make it.  It’s not a hope to get through today to hope that I can make it through tomorrow.  Now it’s a bigger, grander (for me) hope that my future is going to be gutting it out until things are better.  Things could and should be better very soon.  Freedom is within my grasp.  Hopefully the fates will continue to smile on me and all of us and mercury being in retrograde or not, life will be worth living again.