Archive for August, 2016


Increments

Here’s something new that I’ve come up with.  I hope you guys forgive me for being negligent and like this.  It’s been a while since I’ve even tried to write something new, so if you don’t like it, please don’t be too harsh.

Increments wp-1459017717979.gif

The sky outside is gray and moody

Changing with the direction of the wind

And it suits me now, if it’d only rain

I wait for the end to begin

It seems I’ve been dying in increments

Much longer than I’d thought before

And it seems that everything’s all twisted up

I can’t believe I’d hoped for anything more

Because once I thought that I had it all

The whole til death do us part

And it wasn’t a lie but it was a joke

Cause the other half was lacking a heart

And mistakes were made in increments

Each one was  worse than the last

Expanding in exponentials at least

Each one making the future the past

 

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Good morning my loves.  I know, I know.  I’ve been absent for a longer while than usual this time but I have good reasons for it this time.  The kids finally got to come home!  So I just kind of holed up and spent time with them.  It was really, really good.  I opened the door when they were dropped off and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten bigger hugs from them or more I love yous.  Even from my oldest daughter who barely and rarely talks.  She cried a little and I was worried for a minute.  I asked her if she was happy or sad and she said wp-1456823245224.jpeghappy as she was wiping away a few tears.

My youngest daughter finally got to get the birthday presents I’d gotten for her.  The four of us did the birthday cake and candles, sat around the kitchen table together for dinner and basically just hung out in a puppy pile on the sofa with blankets, popcorn and movies.  We played games.  We colored.  We played.  It was like life was on pause and started again once they were home.

Unfortunately, they had to go back this past Friday.  They said they wanted to stay at least a little longer but there’s a court order in place and there really no choice in the matter.  It’ll be ok though.  I’ll get them back next Friday and eventually they’ll see that this is really the schedule now and they won’t have to worry whether or not they’ll get to see or talk to me.  Before they left I made sure to tell the three of them that no matter what happens, I love them and want them home with me, that I’m at lthe very least trying to speak with them everyday.  That I’ll miss them until they’re home with me again.

It was just very important to me, and I think for them, for them to feel reassured that this is home and I love them and want them here.  And I think it worked.  They were pretty tight lipped about life at the other house to begin with but as they relaxed again and got comfortable, I would hear some stories of their daily lives with the other one and the common interest.  It was kind of hard but I made sure that I kept my face blank of anger or irritation, that I remained interested in what they had to say, that I asked questions so they knew it was ok to talk about stuff with me.

It wasn’t like they were telling me bad things and I wasn’t trying to pry information out of them.  They just wanted to catch me up on the stuff they’d been doing and how things were going.  My youngest asked if it was ok for her to talk about this stuff so I hugged her, kissed the top of her head and told her she can always talk to me about whatever she wants.

It was hard and a little scary to let them go again but I’m trusting that I’ll get them back.  And it’s not like I could let them know I was anxious about it because that would only make them anxious about it too.  They’ll be home again on Friday.  I’ve got to believe that.  It would just be really great if the common interest would give up on the anger he’s holding on to so that he and I can take care of our kids.  There’s no reason for us to fight anymore if the only thing between us is raising them to the best of our abilities and their needs.  So maybe things are closer to being alright.  I hope so because I’m tired of fighting.