Good morning my lovelies.  The coffee just cannot brew fast enough this morning.  Waking up is difficult this morning.  I’m already bartering with myself that if I get this and that done, I can have a nap.  There’s a little voice in my head saying to just take the nap but Igoth-girl-in-the-rain can’t do that.  I’m not big on them anyway.  I hate waking up disoriented, with my heart racing a mile a minute.

So yesterday I had to catch a ride with my parents to Annapolis because my car is having issues.  They were listening to a CD and their song came on.  I was sitting in the back thinking about it.  I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know that that song is their song.  It just always has been.  My parents have been married for like 45 years and this was their song since they were dating.

It occurred to me that I’ve never really had a song with anyone.  There are songs that I could or would associate with a person or a situation but nothing where you look at the other person and without needing to say a word acknowledge that that is your song together.  You get that moment of recognition of yourselves as a couple.  Like you two against the world.

Then it dawned on me that I’m probably never going to have that.  I’ve been as close as I’m going to be I think.  And really, at this point, it makes me sad but I don’t want to go back there again.  I don’t want to be in a position where someone has that kind power over me, to hurt me again.