Good morning my lovelies.  I should be making coffee but I’m not feeling it this morning which, you know if you read this with any regularity, is strange.  There have been fairly close to more mornings than not that my day started with coffee and eventually coffee and a cigarette.  I’m feeling a little sad again today, I think.

Yesterday I did not even get to speak to my children.  There was some texting to the common interest in an attempt to see them and let them visit their grandmother.  Therewp-1457000735267.gif were even a few calls but whatever.  So I guess I was so excited from talking to them those two times and thinking I would at least get to keep that much, that it was a real let down that I wasn’t allowed.  I sort of thought and had some hope, for the briefest instant, that maybe things were getting better.

Now I don’t know.  I guess it could go either way depending on the common interest’s mood.  It sucks but it’s fine in a way.  After 14 years, I’m pretty used to the moodiness.  I’ve learned from experience to adapt and overcome that so I’ll keep trying and I’ll wait for things to come around again.  They always do.  Eventually that person I knew will show.  The good guy I knew always shows back up at some point.  He always does.  The person I knew, knew right from wrong and he knows denying me access to our babies is wrong.

So I’ll try to be patient.  I have no other choice but to be good.  Making decisions gets a lot easier when all of your options have been taken from you.  What’s sad is, I was the one stupid enough to fall into traps that put me in this position.  I’m not the conniving type so I don’t see that in other people.  That was another lesson I learned the hard way but I learned it well and will not forget.

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