Good morning my loves.  I’m posting this and I really am going to catch another quick nap before the sun comes all of the way up.  It’s iced coffee this morning in case anyone was wondering.  And the cigarette situation is ok as of now but donations are being accepted. lol  I’m getting further than I used to before things start looking bad but I’m still not making it the whole month.  It’s never going to be enough but I’m working on that.

I was able to talk to the kids again for a couple of minutes yesterday.  And I was able to keep my shit together this time.  Of course this time I was on speakerphone and the common interest was listening in.  That’s fine though.  It isn’t as if he hasn’t heard a million conversations between me and the kids before.  And I did get a chance to tell him he could meet me somewhere for a visit at least.  As long as “the other one” doesn’t come along, it would all be fine but we’ll see.  I don’t like that it’s assumed that I would do some sketchy stuff that other people would do when I never have before.  He’s been advised by images-3.jpg.jpegme about everything that’s happened up until this point and given time to correct himself but a girl’s got to stand up for herself somewhat at some point.

Anyway, the point is, good stuff happened yesterday.  Hopefully, good things will continue to happen.  It’s a strange place for me but it’s not bad.  I’m kind of enjoying this feeling of not awaiting some impending doom.  It’s fairly cool when things go well.  Could things be better?  Sure.  But I’m not going to be ungrateful for the things that have happened that are good.  I still think it’s important to find a reason to smile and laugh everyday and have at least one thing to be grateful for everyday.  It may be hard to find that silver lining some days but that just means you’ve got to look harder for it.

So, for now, I’m happy and I’m grateful.  My kids are ok even if they want to come home.  That’s not bad.  They will eventually.  They love me and that’s pretty much everything.  So that’s a good thing too.  They know I love and miss them.  They know I’m waiting.  And I’ll keep waiting.  For the second day in a row it kind of feels like things might be ok again at some point.  It’s an unfamiliar feeling for me but one I could definitely get used to.