Good afternoon my lovely darklings.  I know I’ve been lax about posting lately.  But apparently I’m “being watched” and I’m some sort of threat to “the other one”.  What a joke. lol  If her lies spun as much gold as they do bullshit, she’d be a millionaire.  But wp-1456823245224.jpegwhatever.

Here’s the thing.  I’m still going to refer to him as the common interest since I’m trying to not use any names.  But I used to be so proud of him.  It gave me strength and made me proud that I was his and could call him mine because I thought he was such a good, brave man.  It made me happy, though I worried constantly, to say what line of work my then husband was in.  It made me feel special that he confided in me and I got to see the him he was when other people weren’t around.  I saw his softer side.  I got to be a part of who he was.  What’s sad is, he’s not anywhere near the person I thought he was then anymore.

This is a person I don’t recognize or know.  Sometimes that person I knew shows up and I can see him but, now especially, he’s gone.  He looks broken.  And that is a very sad, horrible thing because he was so strong before.  I knew a man who would call me to go pick up a stray dog he saw wandering around.  The man I knew would look me in the eyes.  Now I know if doesn’t or can’t he’s hiding or lying about something.  I knew a man who would fight and it looks like all of the fight has been sucked out of him.  Before, if I said his name, and he would know when I was serious, there would be some action on his part and now his actions do not seem his own.  And that cannot be blamed on me anymore.  I’ve been out of the picture for a good while now.

wp-1459017717979.gifThe core of the man I knew is still there somewhere.  He’s there loving our kids, though he’s keeping them from them.  He tries to tell me and himself he never loved me but I call bullshit on that because it’s not true.  It’s just not.  He may not anymore but he did.  We were dealt a very difficult hand and that had a lot to do with our demise.  Other things or people have a lot to do with our inability to get along very well now.  Because I still fully believe that he’d do anything for the well being of our children but I also fully believe that he knows keeping them from me is not in their best interest.  Not when I’ve been the only constant in their entire live until “the other one” came and reared her ugly head.

So my hope is that what’s left of the man I knew will surface and give me our babies back.  Because THAT man knows that I am no threat to anyone.  He knows who I am and who I am is not a bad person.  He knows I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone unless they hurt me first.  He knows he can trust me because I still keep everything he says to keep between us, between us.  And he knows I know him, the in dark, away from everyone else but us him. And deep down, that man trusts me.  Because I’ve made myself worthy of that trust by being completely faithful and loving him for everything that he is.