Good morning everyone.  No coffee today, I’m out and there’s no way of going out to get any.  I have no idea what’s keeping me going at this point.  There’s nothing left.  I just want my kids to be home and my life to not be constantly full of the most amount of stress I can handle.  How I’m handling it isn’t that great anyway.  I’m tired of being freaked outburn out fairy and losing every-freaking-thing that means anything to me at all.

Every single time I start to think that things might just be ok, something happens and each time is worse than the last.  I hate to think it and don’t mean to belittle what some people really are going through but the next thing I can expect is to be diagnosed with some kind of death sentence disease.

And of course I think, Why me?  What did I do?  Tell me how to fix it.  That’s not going to happen.  I really thought I was about to get things under control.  What a stupid thing to think.  You’d think I’d know better than that by now.  But like some masochistic glutton for punishment I just keep coming back for more.  I wish someone would just put me out of my misery.  I would have preferred to have a non-fatal stab wound than what actually happened Friday night.  I wish there would have never been a fight between me and the common interest that made me need to get out of the house.

Well, there’s no going back in time.  I’m just going to have to ride this one out too.  I’m getting so tired of trying but God knows what will happen if I give up.

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