Good morning my dearest darklings.  This morning is slightly improved from the last few.  I managed to bum two cigarettes from a gas attendant while a friend of mine got me $10 worth of gas.  Oh, and I snagged a few packets of sugar from a convenience store so I’ve got a cigarette and sugar in my coffee right now.  After this, that’s it but for right now, this very second, things are better than dismal.  After this cigarette and this cup of coffee, well, things go back to borderline.  But I’m grateful now.

If anything, this situation is definitely making me learn what humility means.  I have been very spoiled in some ways.  Ways that are not so easy now and asking for help, which is something I really hate to do, has made me humble.  Even though in the past couple of wp-1457169416963.gifdays it’s come with a bunch of anger from a pivotal person who I really prefer and don’t really need or want angry with me.

Despite how desolate yesterday started, it got better, then a little worse but still ended more positively than it began.  There is the barest glimmer of hope that I won’t be living in my car soon and that alone was enough to make the day better.  There are some important aspects that have to fall into place and it most likely requires a working relationship for at least a little while but as long as I don’t do anything to piss off the other part of the relationship, it should be ok.  Time is the important matter on this one.  Because if it’s not done soon enough, I will spend some time in my car.

gravestone angelSo for my sanity’s sake, and the comfort of my children, I’m hanging on to that little glimmer of hope.  With a death grip.  For all that I’m worth.  Which is actually a lot more than I’m usually given credit for.  The thing is, most people don’t believe me but I don’t want to do anything bad.  I don’t lie.  Everyone knows my secrets and it’s a lot easier to be honest than it is to lie.  And I’m not really good at it anyway.  I just want some semblance of peace and happiness in my life.  Being at a place that feels like home, with my kids, with them comfortable, happy and taken care of, is all I really want.  Which is good because I can barely afford even that.  lol