Good morning my lovely darklings.  I’m running behind so I’m in the process of making coffee now.  And I’m about out of cigarettes so its a tough morning but I’ve had worse.  The kids are in school.  I’m making actual progress in cleaning so things could very definitely be worse.  I guess.  The day is gray and rainy so that helps.  Maybe it makes me even weirder but I prefer these kind of days and the sun truly does hurt my eyes.  There’s a Dead Files-athon on to watch while I clean.  I’m determined to make myself cheer up today.  Things have got to bet better because I don’t want to think about what it would take for them to get worse.

I’m beginning to get the urge to write again.  That alone makes me hopeful.  Maybe there is a piece of me left in here.  Perhaps it hasn’t all been killed off.  Thank goodness.  The attempt to destroy me is strong and continuous but for some reason I keep coming back.  I often wonder how many times I can be knocked down or have my plans sucked out from under me before I can’t get back up.  But so far I’m managing.

Its been a very long road and its not over yet but if I can keep being

resilient, I might just make it in the end.  I’m just going to try to use my Taurean stubbornness to keep moving forward with hope but no expectations.  Its easier to not get disappointed that way.  But I’m also determined to make what I have left as nice as I can.  I’ve got to.

So let’s hope the stubbornness of a Taurus will somehow win out over the lazy sloppiness.  Because I’d really like to be happy and not have to work so hard at being so.

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