Good morning my darklings.  I’m too tired to even make coffee and too broke to waste the money to buy one on my way to take my son to school.  I’ve got cigarettes and a very comfy blanket though.  So I guess there’s my silver lining for that one.  I’m feeling pretty depressed and tired right now.  Last night did not have much of a silver lining.  Well, maybe that’s not entirely true.  I must find the good or I’ll spiral and once that starts, man it’s hard to stop.  And it’s not like I have to look for reasons to spiral.  I specifically search out any bit of shimmer that can be considered silvery enough for a lining.

After I get the kids to school, I think it’ll be time for some mindless Netflix and possibly a nap since worry and anxiety kept me from sleep last night.  Then I can get my butt up, gather some things, head to the pawn shop and hopefully (please God) get something for them.

So you see, it sounds bad but I’m effectively trying to set up a silver lining for later on today.  Maybe I’ll even write a second blog today.  Maybe if I get some answers as to why my ex-husband freaked out on me last night with bad information.  Maybe if I can find out why it would even matter to him what or who I’m doing since his girlfriend is supposed to move in with him at the end of the month and I’m not anything or anyone.

That wasn’t my thing.  It was his.  If he hates me and doesn’t want/love me as much as he claims, he should not care and let me go about whatever it is I want to do.  The silver lining here?  I’m still looking for it but I’ll find one eventually that isn’t completely bitchy.  Maybe.  😉

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