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Good morning my darlings.  No coffee just yet.  I’m spending this time especially just trying to breathe.  It’s more difficult than you would think and more uncomfortable than I would like.  I’m just a tiny bit very much stressed out.  Like bad, for real.

We are in the final hours of my marriage.  I guess technically the final hours, the death throes, were a while ago.  I just didn’t know it.  But now are the final legal hours I guess.  And I’m freaking out.  I haven’t been completely single since I was 23.  I’m not terribly old yet but that’s still a pretty long time.  And I’ve never been on my own.  I know that’s lame but that’s how it worked out.

In under 5 hours, I’ll be in the same courthouse I was in almost 14 years ago to get married, to now get divorced.  It’s a different room and a very different thing but he’ll still be on the right and I’ll be on the left. The only times I have ever been to this place were to get married and the times for this process.  Is that ironic?  Sad?  Freaking pathetic?  Or all of the above?

I don’t know.  I wish there was some way out of this.  It isn’t like I want what I had exactly but I never wanted this.  Anyway, the goal here is to keep breathing, not lose it outwardly and just get through it all.  Then, when I get home, if I need to freak out while everyone’s at school, I can.  I expect, I hope, to be numb.  I wish I was numb now.  So my friends, any good vibes sent this way will be much appreciated.  Again.

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