Good morning my darklings.  It has been such a long night.  The first pot of coffee is gone and the second is started.  The stomach flu is just through my house one kid at a time.  And now I’m not feeling that great either.

So I’ve been up a long time and I’m really sleep deprived.  And it’s making me extra thoughtful.  That makes me kind of sad because usually I replay memories and that involves someone that I’d really do better to not think about.  There are a lot of good wp-1456823263098.jpegthings to remember, kisses, hugs, sex, moments, places.  Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.  There’s plenty of not so good too but I choose not to think on that.  There’s no sense in making myself feel worse.  I just wish the main player in these memories would remember the good things instead of only the bad.  He doesn’t want to remember that there was a reason that he loved me.  Or maybe he just can’t let himself right now.  Maybe he’s not allowed too.

Some of my favorite ones involve Halloween.  It’s my favorite holiday and he always made a big deal out of it for me and then for me and the kids.  There were tons of candy and cute trick or treaters.  People would come over.  He’d wp-1456823270742.jpegmake lots of food and that was always good because we always got along best, even when we were fighting, when we were working together in the kitchen.  There’s plenty of chances for brief hugs and little touches when you’re doing that.  Conversations flow easier.

The thing is that while trolling through my memories, the largest chunk of them involve this person because he’s been a part of my life the longest.  To get close to some good memories that don’t involve him I’d have to go back to high school.  It’s no wonder that I stay wrapped in the memories that are the most comfortable and make me the happiest.  It’s only natural to find and seek solace in those places.