Good morning my lovelies.  This morning I actually didn’t have to make coffee to have any while typing this.  I was capable of going to get a coffee.  So this morning I’m writing with a mocha latte and my cigarettes.  Yes the car purchase was successful.  Thank goodness.  And I can’t put a picture of it up because the camera on my phone is still not working.  For those of you who were interested, sorry.  Can’t do it.wp-1453253826312.jpeg

I’ll be honest.  I’m still a little freaked out but it’s got to get better.  It has to all come back to me.  One of the guys at the dealership asked me if I was excited to be getting a car.  I said yes but I was mostly nervous because I’m a little rusty at driving.  He told me that I don’t look rusty. lol  That was ok too.  So I’m mobile, much thinner and getting noticed again.  Things could be worse.  I truly am grateful to have this chance again.  There are only so many chances in life and I’ve blown through a lot of them.  I can’t do that anymore.

My ability to get places has been restored.  Unfortunately that isn’t helping me in the get a job world.  That is held up in other ways that I have no control over.  The only semblance of control there is getting my laptop fixed and finding something to do from home, like transcription or data entry or something.  I’m not to sure right now.  But schedules prohibit much else.  And it’s a necessity and something else that would make me feel more like a whole person again. Or at least as whole as I’m going to eventually be.

I’ve been just existing for a long time.  Stuck in some kind of stasis of wait and see.  I’m still there but I’d bump myself up to surviving now, I’m not just breathing anymore.  There’s more now.  I guess the light at the end of the tunnel maybe.  Though I’m not putting too much into that just yet.  I’m still waiting and seeing.  But now I have some flexibility that may lead to even living again.  I have to be honest though, because I’m always honest here, I can’t see me ever reaching a point where I’m not waiting.