Good morning my lovelies.  Finally I have some coffee.  In fact let me pause here to get a fresh cup. Brb.  Ok.  I’m good now.  Fresh coffee, freshly lit cigarette and now to write.

How is the New Year treating you my darklings?  I hope everything has started well.  It’s a little rocky on my end but I’m still trying to daily, or at the very least, weekly write down something good that’s happened.  I’ll put them into a jar or or box, mark the year, read them next New Year’s Eve and prove to myself that it wasn’t as bad as it may have seemed at times.  I’m thinking that maybe I’ll keep them and as time goes by I can revisit years past like looking at old photographs.

I actually did start writing again the other day.  Lately it’s been hard.  A page or so in and I hate it.  Delete it.  And stare at a blank screen until I can’t stand it anymore and close the laptop.  But last week I was on a roll for a whole four or five pages when I decided I liked it enough to save it.  Then my computer ate it.  There will be no salvaging of that.  It’s gone, gone, gone.  But I’ll even find the silver lining to that.  Maybe that wasn’t the time to start anything new.  Maybe I need to think about it and cultivate it in my head.  Then, when I actually have time to focus on writing, I can.

I’m living and breathing hope right now.  Not even to prove the people wrong who want to see me fail, though they may lie about it and say they don’t.  I don’t need or want that kind of negativity in my life right now.  Or ever really.  I’m just hoping for happiness, for me and my friends.  Let things just be OK with a modicum of happiness, maybe a little lovin’ and the ability in my, and anyone else who might need it, life to breath without the halting gasps of heartache and stress.

Each day survived, or hopefully lived, is another good one in the books.  

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