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Hello my darklings.  It’s been a long time.  It’s not God awful early in the morning and I have already had too much coffee.  But I carry on.  I’m wondering what you’ve all been up to.  Have you all been happy and well?  Was Christmas good to you?  Were any of you hung over on New year’s day?  Resolutions, maybe?  Still going or broken already?

I don’t do resolutions myself anymore.  Don’t believe in them.  If you’re going to change, you can decide to do that at any time.  Some change can be good.  I’m not a big fan of it, personally.  I’m a Taurus and generally speaking, we like to find what makes us happy and comfortable and stick with it.  And we can be pretty stubborn about it.  I am particularly tenacious.  I do not give up really.  Take a deep breath, bandage over things and keep going.

I know what makes me comfortable and happy.  There’s been a big change in that scenario though.  So big its more like a fracture.  Not totally broken but definitely different.  Able to heal but never the same. 

I’ve got some trust issues now.  To say the least.  Your husband walking out on you for another woman will do that.  So that’s a big difference because I would have trusted him, I did trust him, with everything.  I guess shit happens.  I’ve been told she doesn’t like me, this other woman.  She doesn’t trust him.  And she’s right in both fronts.  Now granted I know he’s a liar now but if he’s promising me that he’ll always take care of me and never let anything happen to me, that he has no plans or promises to anyone, including her, she should be more uncomfortable than I am. 

I pretty much know where I stand.  She’s in a precarious position.  You don’t check out the soon to be ex wife if you’re secure in your relationship.  You don’t have to try to stake your claim because you know  it’s yours.  Right?

So anyway.  Change was forced on me and I’m probably better off for it.  But I hold tightly to that which I know and love.  I trust that a past mistake will show itself to be a current mistake as well.  Maybe there’s a story in here.  Something about pain, loss, love and redemption.  Something maybe about mistakes and just being human and being forgiven anyway.

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