worried fairy.Good morning my lovely gothlings, or handsome. 🙂  As I was having my first cup of coffee and third cigarette this morning, I checked my email which is my normal morning routine.  After that I usually go on to my blog but not today.  I keep a folder in my email for submissions and I figured I’d might as well check to see if there was anything different for my book.  There wasn’t yet but I reminded myself that it’s only been a couple of days and no matter how much I hate doing it, I was going to have to be patient.

Then I got this sinking feeling in my stomach and had a moment of panic when I thought about checking and seeing that maybe the status had gone from received to reading, or whatever they call the next step.  That would mean my work would be under scrutiny.  Hard, unyielding judgement  over whether it was worth publishing or not.  Then I skipped right from rejection to what if it’s accepted and published?  Of course there would be the ecstatic joy but my panicking continued.

I read most of my books on Kindle now and before I buy a book, I read the reviews of what other people thought.  The sickness of worry increased as I thought of some of the scathing reviews I’d seen posted there.  Even the not horrible but not good reviews, ranging from ‘don’t waste your money or time on this book’ to ‘It started with potential and then lost it somewhere in the middle’.

Anyone, meaning the whole world, who can get on Amazon would be able to see that.  About me.  About my book and beloved characters within it.  It’s scary to put your work out there and I think I’m more afraid of bad reviews than rejection.

Now the reason that’s stupid for me to worry about is 1. It hasn’t even been read yet, 2. It could be rejected anyway and, 3. Being a writer is what I want to do no matter what.  So why worry about all of that now?  I don’t know.  An extended moment of insecurity?  The voices of my family getting into my head telling me to just give the whole thing up?  It doesn’t matter.  If the book is published, there are sure to be people who don’t like it very much or eve hate it.  They’re free to do that as much as I am.  I’ve read books that I’ve quit half way through because I didn’t like them that much.

So no more worries about that.  And if you’re anxiety driven like I am, you don’t worry about it either.  Your book is just as likely to get great reviews instead of bad ones.  🙂

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