Hey darklings.  This is a sad post.  I found out yesterday that my brother’s dog has cancer and there’s nothing they can do about it.  He’s already not eating and having other problems.  The cancer is attached to his spleen and spread out to his other organs.  How long he has left depends on how well he responds to the steroids they’re going to give him.

I am one of those people who most of the time can’t cry, even if I need to.  I’ve gone my whole life that crying is a weakness.  I’ll be okay, I don’t need to cry.  I’m German that makes me tough and we don’t cry.  Or don’t upset anyone else by crying just suck it up and keep it in.  But I’m a dog person.  Put on a dog movie where something bad happens to the dog or a kid can’t keep it and I’m done.  All the tear training through all of these years goes right out the window.  The tears are going to come.  So here is the life and times of an awesome Boxer named Baxter.

My brother had just lost another dog, so my husband and I decided to buy him a boxer.  I went to the puppy store and picked him out.  I cuddled his little puppy self, got puppy breath kisses and said to the lady, “This is the one.  I want to take him home today.”  Baxter has been like a puppy his whole life, always happy to see you, always full of love and kisses.  We’d puppysit him sometimes and even my hard, manly man husband would get out sleeping bags and pillows and sleep on the floor with him because Baxter didn’t like our bed and he might get lonely.  He was the healthiest dog ever.  He would go running with my sister-in-law just about every day for three miles.  He’s also a pig.  At family dinners he’d plant himself between me and my dad (the two soft touches) and eat like no one ever fed him and drool and give you the big brown I love you eyes.  Then he’d go eat the dog food in his bowl, but he would spit out the pieces he didn’t like.  Now, within a week of acting funny, his been to the vets, had ultrasounds and confirmations that there is no chance.

So last night my tear training failed me.  I thought I could keep it together until Baxter flashes, as few that I’ve shared here, started popping through my head and then it was like I’d never tried to keep myself from crying in my life.  Love gets you like that sometimes, I guess.