There are certain types of books that call for a lot of atmosphere.  I count how your character is feeling as part of the atmosphere.  He’s a piece from a story I’ll be puting up shortly:

She walked into the room and it was dark.  The air was heavy with words unspoken.  Generations of men had sat at that large table and said their piece but it was the people who had stood before them, fearing death that had left words behind to clutter air like dis-embodied ghosts to flutter around the room for escape.  She could feel these words brush by her hair as if asking her to listen to the begging they had to offer.  Fear sped her hear and with each beat a chittering began in the room, the pressure began to build until she felt he mind mush either find some way to understand all of these words or go mad from the insistence.

There are a lot of ways I could have gone wrong there.  No one needs to know the exact details of the dest, just that it was big and that’s where the men in power sat.  No one needs to needs to know if it’s a library unless she runs to the books looking for an answer to make the noise stop or I write, She walked into the library and it was dark but then I would never go into describing every single book on the shelves.  Maybe an overview if it’s important because of whose library it was.

The point is, don’t add unneccessary stuff because agents and editors will know you’ve done it to bump up your word count.  If you feel it works for your story and is important the do it, it is your story after all.  But don’t get yourself rejected on fluff.  Atmosphere is a fine line to walk.  Walk it well because writing it well is a good thing.  You need details to help a reader build your world in their head.  And I love a book with good atmosphere.

What do you think?  Any comments on this one?

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